Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
