Who did Billy Mays play for?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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