I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
