So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
