I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
