Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
