I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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