the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will pee on everything he values.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
