your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Still dying that you shit outside
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
