i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize