Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
