i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As shirtless as possible
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
