It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
