You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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