If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
