Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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