I wish you could order shots online.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
