Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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