I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
