Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
