I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
