I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
