I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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