The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
