she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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