he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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