how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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