i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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