I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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