So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
