I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
