If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
