There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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