I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
