there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
