So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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