Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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