may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
