You can't motorboat a personality
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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