Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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