Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
