Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
