I cockslap morals
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize