I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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