Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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