Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
