i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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