I bet he comes in French.
It's Friday. Sex?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
