6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
