I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drake has all the answers
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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