omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
