no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
