Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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