You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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