just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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