So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
