I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
