I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
