I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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