it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
love makes seman taste better
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize