If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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