I'm gonna have a badass scar
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
