so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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