question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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