did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
