I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
