Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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