I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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